New Horizons in Children's Fashion

I think there needs to be some sort of thing preschoolers and toddlers can wear that says "I picked out all my clothes and dressed myself today!" Maybe a jaunty hat or an applique. I guess a pin would be the most user-friendly. To be most effective, whatever it is would need to come in colors that have never come in nature and never will, except maybe in anglerfish. Think lime green and chartreuse and horrific shades of electric puce.

(Oh, since you asked: 1.) pink Valentine's Day pants with red, white and pink hearts; 2.) two shirts worn skater-style -- one a purple thermal shirt, one a yellow T-shirt with a tabby cat looking for a butterfly; and 3.) gray, purple, and blue argyle socks. Try wrapping your mind around that.

Hormun's Hermits

VICTORIA: Hiya, Norepinephrine.

NORA: I'm not Nora Epinephrine! I'm Nora Gwoce G-R-O-C-E!

VICTORIA: I know that, silly goosekins! I was just making a joke because norepinephrine sounds a little like Nora.

NORA: What's norepinephrine?

VICTORIA: It's a hormone your body makes.

NORA: What's a hormun? What does it do?

VICTORIA: Oh, geez, I'm not sure exactly what norepinephrine does. I always get them confused. Something to do with your nervous system.

NORA: I know a great hormun MY body makes!

VICTORIA: Really?

NORA: Yeah! It's called SINGING hormun. You see, well, you go like this -- LA LA LA LA LA! -- and that's how you make singing hormun!

VICTORIA: That is a much cooler hormone than norepinephrine. But not one you will find in a biology book, unfortunately.

NORA: Sing, sing along!

Hair is for No

Nora: Wow, Mommy! I like your hair today. It makes you look like a Lambeosaurus!

Not Everything Garners This Much Enthusiasm

Nora: "I just put on my underwear! Holy cow! This is great!"

Glad We Cleared That Up

[SCENE: Int., Maison de Stijl, Chambre.]

NORA: What's the first letter in Cat Tai?

VICTORIA: Well, "C" is the first letter in "cat," and "T" is the first letter in "Tai."

NORA: No, I meant the kind that is sushi, not the kind that is our cat. How do you spell that Tai?

VICTORIA: Oh, honey, that kind of tai is not a cat. It's red snapper. But it's spelled the same way, t-a-i.

NORA: Oh!

VICTORIA: What did you think you were eating?!

My Child is Macabre, Pt. 483

[SCENE: Int., Maison de Stijl. NORA and VICTORIA are lying around in the bed. NORA is wearing a shirt with strawberries on it, while VICTORIA is wearing a black shirt.]

VICTORIA: I know what I would like to eat. I would like a strawberry from your shirt!

NORA: No. Those are not edible.

VICTORIA: Oh.

NORA: Hey, you know what I would like to eat? Blackness from YOUR shirt!

VICTORIA: I don't think that's edible either.

NORA: Then maybe I will eat skin! (giggles uncontrollably)

VICTORIA: ..........

Also, Nora has ordered me to write, "Of course, I love my Norasaur!" She also wanted me to write "Bob Loblaw," though I'm guessing not spelled in the Law Blog way.

Some Things That Would Not Have Been Good Super Bowl Drinking Games

1.) Drink every time the commercial is not from Budweiser, Frito-Lay, Pepsi, or NBC.

2.) Drink every time the commercial makes someone in the room laugh, like, genuinely.

3.) Drink every time John Madden says something no one had thought of yet.

4.) Drink every time Troy Polamalu saunters, meanders, or dawdles.