You Know, I'm As Stoked About Tomorrow As Anyone...

...but you could seriously make an awesome** drinking game out of the number of times I have heard the phrase "first black president" today on All Things Considered.

** here I am using "awesome" to mean "you would be hung over before Marketplace and swearing (or affirming) that you would never ever drink again."

The Official De Stijl Guide to Investigative Reports That Would Perplex Me And Yet, Not

1. "Inessential organs: You're not really using them. Can you get paid for them?" (Ideally, to be accompanied by video of some guy in an alley carrying a Styrofoam cooler with "SPLEEN" scrawled across it in Sharpie.)

2. "Buddha's Hands: Who actually eats these, and do they scare cats?"

3. "Mo' Money, Mo' Problems: Are Some in Your City Making This Trade-Off? Should You? The Hidden Dark Side of Mo' Money Tonight on Action News 13."

The Best Postal Service Cover Ever

Witness the power and glory that are Midnight Ukulele Disco!

We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Navel Gazing and Anecdotes...

....for two things you ought to read.

Herewith, thing one,

And thing two.

I think they're self-explanatory. But sad.

I Consider This a Dubious Use of Allowance, But It's Not My Allowance

So we were at the art supply store today buying felt to make more cat toys and portfolios to store the profusion of art that gets created in this house I-don't-know-how, and Nora decided to spend the dregs of her birthday money and three weeks of her allowance not on art supplies, but on one of these. When I commented that, given her past history, I was really expecting her to buy a little clay or some stickers, the cashier noted solemnly that at least she was going to lick Communism.

I am not really sure what to say about that except that I also saw this product today at the same store and seriously contemplated getting it for my husband. (They also make related bandages, mints, and wristbands, in case you're looking for a present for that hard-to-buy-for carnivore in your life.)

My Daughter Has Strange Ideas About Noah and That Boat

[SCENE: Int., Maison de Stijl.]

NORA: Mom, can you get me a snack?

VICTORIA: Absolutely not. You just left half of your snack an hour ago, and besides, dinner is in twenty minutes.

NORA: But I am starving!

VICTORIA: You're not going to starve in the next twenty minutes, hon. I know it's hard to wait, but dinner is going to be soon, I promise.

NORA: But I am hungrier than a Noah's Ark!

VICTORIA: ........


[SCENE: Int., Maison de Stijl.]

NORA: I am tired. I am going to take a nap!

VICTORIA: Really?

NORA: Yes, I am really going to take a nap this time. Will you read to me?

VICTORIA: I am happy to read to you, but I don't like it when you say you're going to take a nap just to get me to read extra books. If you want to hear a book, just ask me to read. Otherwise, you need to actually rest when you ask people to take the time to put you to bed.

NORA: No, I really am going to sleep. I am sleepier than a Noah's Ark!

VICTORIA: ......



[SCENE: Int., Maison de Stijl.]

VICTORIA: Thanks for helping me put away those decorations, girlfriend.

NORA: You're welcome, Mommy! Now I will beat you down the stairs!

VICTORIA: I did not realize we were racing.

[NORA runs down the stairs.]

NORA: See, Mommy? I beat you!

VICTORIA: Yup, you sure did, sweetie.

NORA: Fortunately, I am faster than a Noah's Ark! Unfortunately, you are not faster than me.

VICTORIA: .........


In other news, just look what is happening this weekend. If this is half as bloodthirsty as mascot soccer, I am SO THERE. (Actually, we all know that I am there for this sort of thing no matter what, because as we learned with mascot soccer, half the fun is that there are only a very few top-tier mascots, and then it degenerates into mascots from grocery stores, pizza chains, and the Department of Transportation. High comedy indeed! And on ice?! Holy crap. This I must see.)