The Cross-Cultural Appeal of Knitting Literature: An Anthropological Vignette

PHIL: Hey, I know a lot about yarn!

VICTORIA: I'm sure you do, honey.

PHIL: I know alpaca.

VICTORIA: Yes, there is such a thing.

PHIL: And I know that silk has to be blended with another fiber in order for it to stretch.

VICTORIA: ????!

PHIL: See, I do know a lot about yarn.

VICTORIA: How the hell do you know that?

PHIL: I read that book about knitting with silk and cotton and things that aren't wool.

VICTORIA: You read No Sheep For You?! Why on earth would you read No Sheep For You? I haven't even read that yet. How have you read a knitting book I haven't read?

PHIL: It had a naked lady on the cover.

VICTORIA: Ahhhhhhhh. Okay. That makes sense.

Next She'll Be Complaining About Osteoporosis

NORA: I'm four-and-a-half!

VICTORIA: That's right.

NORA: That means that I'm between plain four and five.

VICTORIA: That's right.

NORA: That means I'm middle-aged!

Nora and Salvador Dali Tell a Knock-Knock Joke

NORA: Knock-Knock!

VICTORIA: Who's there?

NORA: Strawberry.

VICTORIA: Strawberry who?

NORA: Strawberry you glad I didn't say computer?

The Ethnically Insensitive Toy Grows Up

So this morning, Nora was playing with Alphabet Pal, "the toy that says every ethnic slur but wop!," when she suddenly got very excited:

NORA: Mommy! Daddy! Guess what!

PHIL: What?

NORA: Alphabet pal just hung from a leaf in the shape of an upside-down "j"! And he made a cocoon! So that means that he is going to be a moth, and not a butterfly!

(Some children are obsessed with dinosaurs, and not that she's not obsessed with dinosaurs, but holy crap, the lepidoptera. No one but no one gets as excited about the ubiquitous cabbage white as this girl!)

Nora on Gummy Candy

[SCENE: Ext., Carnegie Science Center. NORA and VICTORIA are sharing a box of Swedish Fish.]

NORA: What flavor are the orange ones?

VICTORIA: Orange. Orange gummy things are almost always orange flavored.

NORA: And the red ones?

VICTORIA: Cherry. Usually red gummies are cherry or strawberry. I guess sometimes they're watermelon. The yellow ones are lemon and the green ones are lime.

NORA: Occasionally, the green ones are basil!

VICTORIA: ...........

Pfffffft

Signature sandwich my ass. I will lay my beefsteak tomato sandwich against your pimiento cheese monstrosity any day of the week.

In other news, I am a monster of charcuterie. Just ask me.

Nora Tells a Knock-Knock Joke

NORA: Knock knock!

VICTORIA: Who's there?

NORA: Orange.

VICTORIA: Orange who?

NORA: The kind of orange that you eat!